Day 23 and 24 - More Moab

If Helen and Maryanne were a couple, they would have broken up at this point of the trip. Unfortunately they are related and destined to spend the rest of their holidays together. In order to make this relationship last they split up on day 23.

Those few hours alone as told by Helen:
I was very excited at having the opportunity to rock climb. My experience with rock climbing involves maybe climbing at the county fair once or twice – therefore I was expecting to get my ass kicked by professional climbers. We started with the boulder that I thought was hard. I was hanging upside down to get a boulder – but after several attempts I made it up and the respect of the other two in the group. With the boulder out the way – we went to a rock formation called “ice cream parlor” which was indeed pretty sweet. There we did 5 – 80 foot climbs. I made it to the top of all of them except one. Later I watched a 7 year old boy make it to the top of the one I did not manage to conquer. As if my body was not already utterly exhausted – these climbing fools wanted to a free climb up a 80-foot “cliff tunnel” called moonflower. They had put logs inside this wall so you could make it up the steep cliff. This was really fun and I loved this part of the day. I was on a climbing high after this great day – but also very hungry. We headed to the grocery store then back to the hostel to meet up with Maryanne.


Those few hours alone as told by Maryanne: I had intended to go hiking and see some Indian pictographs, but no sooner than I had gotten out of my car than a 38 year old man from the hostel spotted me! I was about 8 miles out in the wilderness and felt stalked because he’d been giving off creepy vibes the night before. I couldn’t lie fast enough to escape – you know, say I was leaving or just taking a picture or something. Soon I was hiking with this guy, the trail was very busy, but I still was afraid he was going to smash my skull in. I really believe in trusting you gut, so I asked him the time and quickly said, “OMGOD! I was supposed to meet Helen 30 minutes ago!” and escaped. I had to endure about 40 minutes of possible death hiking first. This was the most dangerous time of the trip for me.

After Maryanne ran away and hid downtown for awhile, both sisters rejoined at the hostel. With the two people Helen had been climbing with, they starter to prepare shish kabobs for dinner. Soon the creepy man was back! Eating the food! It was so socially awkward and baffling that no one knew how to respond. So he ate some of our food and everyone felt resentful toward him, there was even an “incident” involved the “accidental” spilling of pineapple juice on him.

Later in the common room, a man began to prophesize to everyone, and praise that God was LOVE! And he felt so much love in this room, that God was here and inside him! He elaborated on this for awhile and simultaneously hit on every single girl under the age of 25. Later he disappeared with one of them, probably to form the antichrist, but not before saying that drugs bring people closer to God and everyone needs to be close to God and the government is just trying to stop this by making drugs illegal.

That night it was below freezing, so Helen was able to use her southern drawl and get us an RV for the night. (YES! This hostel also rents RVs, cabins and trailers, along with rooms.) We survived another night at the hostel.

That morning, we felt rested. So on our third day in Moab, day 24, we decided to go rock climbing with Helen’s two friends from yesterday. (At this point we were unaware of how bad the drug situation was at the hostel, obviously.) They seemed really chill and had been fun the day before. Soon we were in a truck with 5 strangers and the two friends heading up some backroads looking for the rock climbing secret spot.

Maryanne had been sentenced to the back of the truck with the five strangers and she soon felt like her last minute decision to join this expedition was a mark of masochism. Never before have the words, “fuck” “shit” “dude” and “bitch” been used to form so many sentences.

“Dude this is fucking shit!” OR The view is incredible!
“Bitch, look at the shit!” OR Look at all the strange vegetation!“Fucking, Dude!” OR I’m really enjoying my time in Moab. ETC.
“Dude! Bitching!” OR These mixed nuts are delicious and slightly nutritious.

As the girl Maryanne privately nicknamed, MethMouth began to whine about the last time she had gotten good E – the trapped sensation crept over Maryanne’s soul. She was stranded, an hour out from civilization with people that would bother her if they were simply standing on a street corner together waiting for the light to change.

Finally they arrived at the rock spot, called “The Crack House.” The terror level of Maryanne hit RED, until she learned that this was simply slang for a rock climbing place with lots of cracks used to scramble up the boulders.

The atmosphere was really uncool and Maryanne had only intended to cheer everyone else – not actually climb because she lacks all athletic skills. However she couldn’t even enjoy cheering amongst this group of people – so she read her Army Survival Guide and learned about desert survival in case she decided to flee. She quickly spotted some cacti that were edible and containing water. She knew she’d be okay at that point.

Meanwhile Helen was climbing on the rocks. She said in retrospect that the entire event had been unpleasant because of the people there – but she hates reading so she’d rather try to climb and hum everyone out.

Let’s emphasize again: These people were all things bad, like the abominable snowman.

After about five fake “let’s go’s!” said by the driver, each which raised the sister’s spirits, everyone was FINALLY in the car and we were heading back toward town. On the return, the people in the truck were more frightening than the crash site we spotted with a body outlined in orange paint.

Somehow we stopped at a place called, “Milk’s Diner” which served a wide array of health killing foods. Everyone chowed down, but the sisters who aren’t addicted to crack or meth and will probably live another thirty years (minimum) kind of nibbled awkwardly.

FINALLY, we returned to the hostel. Never had such a shit hole looked so nice.

Quickly we got into the bug and went to a thrift store for Halloween costumes! Maryanne is going to be a watermelon and Helen an old woman, all for a total of $10!!

Next we returned to Arches and did the DELICATE ARCH HIKE! There was speculation during our hike that its name was because it was about to fall, but we were wrong. Seeing it at sunset was beautiful – even though we’d forgotten lights to walk back with.

Returning to the hostel, we met some really cool, unaddicted people in the common room! They were from Spain, Wisconsin and Indiana and soon we planned to go to the “Pumpkin Chuckin” festival together the next day!

We slept great because we knew it was our last night!